GRATITUDE 219 The gift of work

Today I am grateful for the gift of work.  The rhythm that work brings to life is a gift.  The health and vitality that works brings, a gift. Having dominion is what we were made for.  Such a gift that God has given us.

GRATITUDE 218 These three

He's sweet.  Tender.  Energetic.  Thoughtful. Strong and athletic.

 She's creative and bright.  Compassionate.  Deep.  Sprinkled with cinnamon on her nose.  

 He is fun.  So fun.  And sweet. Gregarious and extroverted.  A great snuggler.  

 My beloveds.  My lovies.  My children.  

Learning much about God's heart of love for me, as my heart aches with love for these three.  Precious.  Treasured.  Worth every bit of my life poured out for them.  

GRATITUDE 217 The song he sings

There is music in the air.  The Holy Spirit is singing me a song today and the first few verses are piercing.  I want to turn off my heart to the sound.  Make it stop.  But today I can't.  The song is ringing loud and clear, my heart proving over and over the truth of his words.    The song is about my sin.

 But just as song reaches it's ugliest note, the pitch and tempo change and the song becomes the sweetest thing my ears have ever heard.  The words delight me and my wretched heart begins to come alive with the the new beat...it's the beat of the Father's heart.  It's the gospel song.  Though the verses told me of sin that reaches every nook and cranny of my heart, the chorus now tells me that Jesus did what I couldn't do....he faced every temptation, always trusting his father, always relying on the spirit.  He was tempted to be greedy, to self-promote, to judge, to hate, as I was today.  Where I have failed today, he triumphed.  He defeated sin by living perfectly  for me and dying my death.  He took the wrath I should absorb.  And that sweet Spirit just  keeps singing....the song gets better and better. I can't stop listening.  The beginning verses  taught my heart of my sin, the chorus of my redemption and the bridge, oh the bridge....I can't help but dance now,  the rhythm is so compelling.  The bridge sings to me of a new life, a new power, a new family, a new hope.  All mine.  All mine.

 This is my song today, as sin raged in my heart.  It's my song tomorrow.  And it'll be my song throughout all eternity.  Sing on, Spirit, sing on.

Romans 7

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.^c For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

21So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Content with discontent

The wilderness of Paran, where Israel wandered for 40 years

If you know our story well, you know that stability has become sort of a novelty for us, surprising, rare, delightful.  It has come upon us so seldom in the past five years that its presence is surprising and not at all taken for granted.    It (stability) started happening a few months ago and I really thought we'd "arrived".  Finally we've landed in the promised land of stability, my heart starting thinking.  Yet once again, recent circumstances have ripped us right out of what I think of as my promised land and landed us back in the wilderness, groping, coping, and longing.

I am learning that stability is not my promised land.  This process is teaching me instead to be content with the discontent that life on earth brings.  I am learning to be sad over the brokenness of the now, while putting my hope not in the elusive over-promising and under-delivering "promised land" that I try to create on earth.

You see, we are all in the wilderness, longing for our promised land.  Whether it's the brokenness of a mind that causes chaos in a family, cancer, death, relational stress, our struggle against our sin or just the longing for more than this world can offer, we are aware that we are not home...

Yet God's presence is so real here in the wilderness.  As he led his people with the fiery cloud of his presence then, he so gently, yet powerfully leads me by his spirit and his word.  And he allows me fresh drinks from the ROCK of Christ when I am parched and languishing.  

Learning to hold all this in tension is taking time, but it's happening. He's teaching me how to be sad over the brokenness of our now, all the while joyfully partaking of his presence in the wilderness, and simultaneously longing to be fully in his presence, my true promised land.  I long for the redemption of our brokenness and sin, which has already begun. And more than those redemption stories being complete, there is a growing longing to see and be in the presence of the writer of these stories.  OH BLESSED REST to be with him.  HE is my promised land.

I don't want to cover up the brokenness of my now or run to some cheap imitation promised land that my heart creates.  Yet, I also don't want to focus only on the brokenness, as there is so much of his presence available to me now in the wilderness refresh and delight my soul.

How am I doing at being content with discontent  that this world brings?  What imitation promised lands am I  running to in order to soothe the longing in your heart for more? (THERE ARE SO MANY IN MY LIFE!!)  Do I see how God richly satisfies and sustains me here now in this wilderness?  I'm asking myself these questions today.

GRATITUDE 216 Unique precious jewels

Medieval Czech crown jewels on rare display in Prague.  Rarely on display as the value of the crown, which includes 96 jewels and dates back to the coronation of the king of Bohemia in 1347, is incalculable.  

To my dearest friends,
                Each of your friendships is a rare and precious jewel to me.  A gem that I treasure and love to behold regularly.  As I look upon the unique cuts of our friendships, I am in awe of the one who has faceted them, the one who has taken our simple friendships and over time has cut them into gems that reflect a unique internal brilliance from the inside and also disperse light into the world around us. Each friendship is so different, many with completely different cuts, yet each so beautiful to me.  

Though many gems naturally grow with facets that reflect light, making them to shine,God left it to the mind a man to discover more intricate and complex ways of cutting stones that maximize their ability to reflect light, giving them the beauty and brilliance that captures us.    A 17th century Italian named Peruzzi is thought to have first devised what is now known as the Brilliant Cut, undoubtedly the most widely known and used cut for diamonds.

Like the masters who carefully choose a cut that suits the stone and work with precision and care to bring as much brilliance as possible from the stone, our God is doing the same with our friendships.  So dear to me are the  friendships in which God has cut angles that reflect the light of silliness, coupled with angles that shine the beauty of a deep connection over God's word.  Precious to me are the friendships that have angles of shared love over crafts and nature, cooking, and laboring together to nurture our children's hearts.  Costly and treasured are the friendships that have been through fire yet shine just as brightly, if not brighter for the burning.  Our God has cut each of them so uniquely and beautifully, and there is brilliance to behold in each one.  A brilliance that mirrors the brilliance of the cut of the Trinity.

The angles and cuts of each friendship are as unique as each of you. You, my closest friends are   Costly.  Precious.  Treasured.  Stunning.  and your friendships, well,  they are the jewels in my crown.

GRATITUDE 215 Grateful for Gratitude

Gratitude has really transformed my heart this year.  A new awareness to all God has given me in and through his Son.  Gifts upon the GIFT.  And in my heart springs a new tenderness to my Father, as I grow in trust of his. good. heart.

I am putting gratitude into practice in new ways this week.  Gratitude is pushing me in an area where I feel disappointment.  Yes, it's true there are ways which this area of my life is less than I want it to be...but OH!  as I intentionally give thanks, I realize there's so much generosity from my Father in this area as well.  Gratitude, once again, is showing itself to be the means for renewing my perspective on my circumstances.  GRATEFUL for the command to give thanks in all circumstances.  Our God knows what he's talking about!

On that note...I've been giving thanks for small things this week related to my senses.

The smell of the dentist office.  Not that I love the smell but it represents that I go there enough to know the smell and that I can afford to have my teeth cared for.  Oh how lavish our life is.
The smell of a shoe store.  It hit me as I walked in this week.  Thankful for shoes and for money to buy them.
The familiar sound of my bread machine running all afternoon bringing back memories of a former life where bread baked and quiet Xiao Li's voice could be heard singing along to Chinese praise songs flowing from my living room.
The taste of homemade soup, not quite ready, on the stove.
The sight of fall decorations on my table.  Though it's hot outside, all things cozy are going on as we pretend fall.
The feeling of soft baby cheeks kissed as I put him down for his long nap, one of those I-have-a-cold- and-will-sleep-all-afternoon kind of naps.
The feeling of hot tears burning as I said goodbye to Elpis, our foster dog.  A love has grown in my heart for that little guy that I wasn't sure was possible. I love an animal.

Turns out these small things are really the big things...they are much more than the sound and the taste and the sight...they are about the heart.  About love between this mama and her child. About deep memories of gifts from the past. About humbling in my spirit, as I see that my God is a provider.  They are  about transformation...God making me a person who can overflow with love for even the littlest of his creation.  Gratitude is opening up the eyes of my heart to see the important things in life going on in invisible realm, between me and God and between me and my people. Turns out gratitude in the little things in really about the big things.

GRATITUDE 214 Halloween adventure

Halloween shopping with my bigs and sweet neighbor. Thankful today for fun with my kiddos!! We needed it after yesterday!

GRATITUDE 213 Peace for the single parent

First let me say, I stink at single parenting.  Totally stink.  Andy is out of town and so far today I've found Legos in my washing machine, blocks in the flower vase that sits on our ottoman, half eaten pizza crust in the cabinet where I keep my pots? The destruction a two years old can do to a house is incredible. Along with toys and food items in strange places, I also found a child of mine sitting in a storage container that they'd had filled with water, lemon juice and salt in an attempt to make a "spa bath."  .  And on top of all of that, the other child is really struggling to be kind today, which required a grounding and I didn't handle it super well.  Needless to say, my life today feels anything but orderly.

Andy brings a dose of order for sure, simply because of his type A personality (that I love, ahem) and because the numbers are a little more in our favor when he's around.  But Andy or no Andy, I can't depend on orderly circumstances to bring me peace.  Order comes and it goes and it can't give what my heart really needs.   Sometimes God allows everything in my life to feel totally out of order so that I will take a deep breath and look to a person, rather than circumstances to give me peace.

So I look to him, (after I complain a bit and then repent for that) and I recount his promise that all things are working for my good and that all hardships (even the ones of mothering) are his way of disciplining me, the child he loves.  That he's with me.  That he planned this day for me.  That he's good.  And that he loves to give grace for all my needs...strength to clean the messes.  Strength to direct my children to be responsible with their Legos, blocks, and pizza crusts.  Strength to respond kindly and lovingly to a struggling child.  Strength to keep on keepin' on in the endurance race that is raising little children into hearts-full-of-love-for-their-Savior adults.

He's so got this.  So I text my single parent mama and tell her she's awesome and then I move out in faith into the wilderness that is single parenting, fixing my eyes on him,  rather than the "spider web" my kids created in the front yard...

GRATITUDE 212 An invitation to Feast

                                         

In an effort to improve the health of our family, we recently joined an organic vegetable co-op. Every Thursday before 8 am two laundry baskets full of fresh colorful fruits and vegetables arrive on my front doorstep. Over the past month or so, we've really made an effort to cut out the processed foods and replace them with whole foods from God's good earth. If you know us, you know we aren't a family known for the best eating habits. Even my toddler who has very few words knows how to ask for fast food! So having produce delivered to our door has definitely eliminated room for “excuses” to eat processed food!

A most interesting thing is happening to us...our tastes are changing! Last Friday, this mama was just too tired to come up with a wholesome meal so I decided to break our “fast” from processed foods with a pizza from our favorite local pizza shop. I was honestly quite excited to eat my favorite greasy pizza until I took the first bite..and realized it didn't taste as good to me anymore. What once brought delight to my taste buds now tasted mediocre at best. The pizza left me disappointed and longing . I walked straight to the kitchen and cut up several tomatoes to satisfy my craving for whole food.

At this point let me say this post is not primarily about food and changing tastes, at least in the way you might be thinking. Here's what I mean: As I have thought about the process of our changing tastes and our improved health, I've been drawn to think about a deeper spiritual reality about the hunger and tastes of our soul.

In an effort to improve our health, not not only have we abstained from “junk food” but we have literally feasted on what is good. And in doing so, our tastes and craving are changing. What once tasted good to me is losing it's appeal.

And the same principal is at work in the feeding of our souls. Yes, we are called to abstain from the addictions and pleasures that wage war against our souls. But as we fast from those, we feast on something else....on God himself. The world offers fast, cheap processed imitations of that which our heart is truly longing for. And the battle to conquer those addictions isn't primarily about fasting...it's about feasting.

Listen to these words from Isaiah which speak to the feeding and nourishment of our souls:

5 “Come, all you who are thirsty,
    come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
    come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
    without money and without cost.
2 Why spend money on what is not bread,
    and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
    and you will delight in the richest of fare.

Just as our bodies were made to be filled, so our souls were meant to be deeply satisfied as we drink from the living water and feast on the bread of life, Jesus himself.

By nature we hungry and thirsty, regularly needing nourishment for our bodies and souls. Just as our family has abstained from junk and feasted on whole food, so we as Christians are called to abstain from what the world offers to fill us and instead feast on what we were really meant for. The power to break addictions to the world and the passions of our flesh is more about what we feast on than what we abstain from. As we replace imitations with the real thing, our cravings change and our souls begin to want that which can truly satisfy, namely God himself. God's call to us is to be people who feast and are full, showing him for what he is...all satisfying.

So let us ask ourselves, what am I craving and what am I feasting on today? Am I hearing Jesus' sweet invitation to have my soul fed and satisfied freely in him? How can I “taste and see that the Lord is good?”

GRATITUDE 211 Moments of love and a mama's prayer

Thankful for moments of brotherly love that I see and praying fervently for God's love to overflow in our family. 

Dear Father,
             You say in your word that you are love.  Your essence, your being is love.  And it's so lavish that you poured it out on us while we were your enemies through your son.  And you keep on loving us with a love incorruptible.  You enable us to love you and others.  You say that if we truly love, we are from you.  God my heart longs to love like you love.  To love my man and my children and my neighbor like you do.  But my flesh is so strong. In our home it often feels like we "bite and devour" each other rather than using our freedom for love.  As Paul said of the Thessalonians...that they had been taught by you to love one another...would you teach us to love.  We need to sit in your school and learn from you.  Fix our eyes on you, our teacher, so that we may learn to love without limit, freely, tenderly, lavishly.  Make us lovers.  May Paul's prayer for the Thessalonians be our prayer as well, "May the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, as we do for you, so that he may establish your hearts blameless in holiness before our God and Father, at the coming of our Lord Jesus with all his saints."  Make us holy by making us abound in love.  Father, start in this mama's heart and make all five of us lovers by your spirit's power.  Conquer the evil in our hearts as we fix our eyes on you.  Your love never fails.  

Amen.  

GRATITUDE 210 teeth

Thankful for teeth. I've never thought to thank God before now for our teeth. All five of us have mouths full of them that chomp food and flash big smiles and open hard to open bags... Thankful also for this little one's growing body and her now toothless grin

GRATITUDE 209 The joy he brings my kids

Meet Elpis.  Otherwise known as white dog or El.  His name is Greek  and means hope.  He's our guest for a month or two while his owner is out of the country.  He's quite a lovable dog and he's brought out the best in some of us( and the worst in others.  Let's just say my slightly aggressive two year old has a thing or two to learn about gentleness.)  But really, I've seen such love overflowing from my kids hearts because of this cutie patootie!   They love playing chase with him in the backyard.  And they love snuggle time with him.  And he just plain makes them happy!

My thoughts drift to a day that's coming.  A day when all of creation, animals included, will be redeemed...not subject to the futility of this broken world.  What will it be like to relate to animals then? If  little sweet puppies like El bring us so much joy here and now, what kind of joy will animals bring us on that day, the day when the creation itself no long groans in waiting?  So exciting to think about.

Til then, let's have grateful hearts for the gifts of creation that we are able to enjoy now and hearts full of longing and expectation for a day when all things will be united in Christ, things in heaven and things on earth!

GRATITUDE 208 This moment

Pink Shirt.  Pink Stroller.  Dart Gun.

207 Grace from first to last

Thankful today to be called into God's Kingdom by his grace.  To have works prepared for me and given to me by his grace.  To have the power to abound in those good works by his grace.  Grace from first to last.  

Here's a mediation I wrote that unpacks the above statements:

One of the verses I find myself mediating on and coming back to reguarly is Ephesians 2:10 which says, "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them." The context of this passage is Paul's striking description of how God has made us dead sinners alive in Christ. He explains that we have no power to save ourselves and no reason for boasting, as it is God's mercy and grace alone that save us. Our works do not give us merit as we are saved by grace alone.

However, as it states in verse 10 we are re-created FOR good works. In response to our glorious salvation, we walk each day, doing the good works he has prepared beforehand. I love to ask the Lord, "what are the good works you have prepared beforehand for me to do today?" Just think, God designed us each with specific gifts and has given us each a context to do the good works he has prepared for us. It's not so much coming up with the good works ourselves but an asking...what have you prepared for me Lord? So we see in this short verse that both our salvation and our response to our salvation (good works) is led, initiated, given by God.

Paul knows this well. When Paul refers to the good works God has prepared in advance for him, namely declaring the mystery of "Christ in you" to the Gentiles, he calls it a "stewardship from God that was GIVEN to me." And in 2 Corinthians 4:1 we see again Paul's awareness of good works being prepared and given by God. "Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart."

In putting these ideas together we see we are saved by grace and that good works are prepared or given to us by his grace.

And what about the power to do those good works? Where does that come from? Today I read 2 Corinthians 9. Paul is talking specifically about the good work of financial giving. Here is what he says, " And God is able to make all grace abound to you so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work." Yes it's me doing the good work, but the sufficiency to do that good work, and even abound in that good work comes from God making all grace abound to me. So whether my good works today happen to be financial giving or diapering my little one for the umpteenth time, the grace to abound in that good work comes from God alone, especially through the Spirit's empowering.  Like Paul, we are "with all his energy that he powerfully works within me."

So we have a God who saves us by his grace. He gives us ministries, stewardships, good works that are prepared in advance by his grace and we see that the power to carry out those good works is by his making grace abound to us , so that we have what we need to carry them out. Being brought into his kingdom? BY HIS GRACE. Participating in Kingdom works? BY HIS GRACE. The power to do it? BY HIS GRACE! Sola Deo Gloria!

And the icing on the cake? Or maybe the cake itself...God delights in us as we walk out these good works by his grace. Check this out! Again, when Paul is talking about the Corinthians' ability to give financially, he tells them God loves a cheerful giver. GOD LOVES. HE IS DELIGHTED. As we depend on his Spirit, we will joyfully, cheerfully do the works he has prepared for us, and our God will be delighted. Yep, delighted. Our God has strong emotions about his children living out their high and glorious calling.

It's God grace from first to last that allows us to live out this glorious calling.  To be in his kingdom, doing kingdom works by his power and enjoying his delight over us.  

Father, your heart is so much wider and bigger than I can grasp.  Through Christ you have taken me from death unto true living.  Living a life I don't deserve.  A life in which I know you intimately, and I get to participate in your kingdom works by your power in me.  And you delight in me as I do.   That is true living.   Because of your pure grace  What kind of God are you?  So good.  So kind.  All praise to you, kind Father.  

GRATITUDE 206 Elpis

I love this dog.  I am not sure if I can say I am a dog person, but I have now loved two dogs in my lifetime so I think I'm moving in the right direction.  Elpis in our live-in dog for a month while his owner is out of the country.  My kids also have a big place in their hearts for Elpis.  (Andy is a work in progress....)

Thankful for dogs.  What a cool animal.
For Elpis snuggling up to EG for bed.
For the pitter patter of his feet across our floor.
Watching him joyful chase lizards in our yard.

The God who made all animals.  What creativity.