It's been almost a year
since I have written on our family blog. I haven't decided whether or not I
will begin posting again regularly, but I wanted to post the letter we wrote
for Evie's memorial service on our blog to share with those of you who weren't
able to be with us that day. It's our privilege to share what little we
know of her with you through this letter. I hope you will get a glimpse of our deep love for our girl and how grieved we were to lose her, as
well as see the great hope we have because of Christ. Our hope has proven
to be a trustworthy anchor to our souls in the midst of this storm. As my
dear pastor says, "grief is great but grace is greater." Finding this
to be true in each moment.
Dear Family and Friends,
We are grateful to have each of you with us today. Your presence
with us today as well as this past week have been a source of great comfort and
even joy as we have grieved the loss of our sweet Evie girl. God has used
you all to show his tender heart to us and we are so grateful. Thank you
so much for all your calls, cards, gifts, texts, flowers, meals, visits, help
with our children, and your prayers. We have truly felt “carried” by you
all during this time and it’s because of your presence and your prayers.
Last Tuesday, Nov 3rd is the day we learned of Evie’s
death. Our hearts have been so very grieved as we have begun to adjust to
the reality that we will live out our days on this earth without her. Our
moments of having her in my womb and our short moments holding her Tuesday
evening leave us with a deep hole in our hearts and a longing for more time
with her. We so long to snuggle her, to see if her hair really was red and curly,
to laugh at her antics, to discipline her, to watch her love her brothers and
sister and to become a Huffman, with all our quirks and family jokes.
The reality that those expectations will
never happen leaves us deeply sad but not without hope. On
the morning of Nov 3rd, as we headed to the hospital, God reminded
Andy and I separately of Psalm 139…”All the days of my life were written in
your book before any of them came to be.” Though we had expectations of a life
here with Evie, God knew the number of her days. And he knew that the day
we learned of her death would also be the day we learned of her birthday in
heaven.
And it’s her birthday in heaven that
gives us great cause for joy and hope. Our deepest longing for each of
our children is that they would love and trust Jesus and live with him for
eternity. On Nov 3rd we
were given a precious gift….the knowledge that our Evie has begun her
eternal life with Jesus and that she is safe in heaven cheering us on as we
sojourn on this earth. She knows the joy of seeing her Savior face to
face. She is able to fully enjoy Jesus and his people without her sin
nature in the way. She knows joy beyond what we can imagine. And
one day, we too will see our Savior face to face alongside her.
Though it feels far to us now, we know that soon we will be with her, enjoying
our Savior with her and getting to know her in deeper and fuller ways than we
ever could have on this earth.
As we laid her little body to rest this
week, God reminded me that she is such a gift to us. Not only a daughter,
but now our sister in Christ. He gave us a new person along with the promise of
getting to enjoy her for all of eternity. Though we know so little of her
now, we are truly those proud parents who are excited to share her with you.
When we found out we were pregnant, we
were both quite surprised. Because of fairly serious complications after
Judah’s birth, we had decided it would not be wise to have any more biological
children. Deep down I longed to have another child. Though I was
fearful of further complications, I was also excited. From the
beginning of my pregnancy, God gave me such a deep peace about my own health as
well as our baby’s health. Her life felt like such an unexpected gift and
God gave me so much grace to trust him with the uncertainty of my own health
issues. That surrender and peace has continued to be there as we have
grieved her this week.
As we began to adjust to the idea of a
fourth child, our hearts grew excited to get to know her. Just as our
other children are such treasures and getting to know them has been such a
source of joy for us, we knew getting to know her would be as well.
We named Evie after my two
grandmothers. My paternal grandmother Eva is incredibly gentle and loving.
She and I spent many Sunday afternoons together in her swing enjoying the shade
of her giant magnolia tree. She loves begonias, NC state football, and
made sweet potatoes, beets and cabbage and slightly sweet tea for many of our
special Sunday lunches. She is close to her homecoming in heaven and I
love to think of our Evie helping Jesus welcome her home.
My maternal grandmother Christine is
strong and loving. She has called me Lucy for most of my life. My
brother and I spent many nights with them and I have happy memories of her back
scratches, popcorn before bed, and learning to drink black coffee at her
house. Her house and her love were a source of refuge for me during
several difficult seasons in my life.
Andy and I have been well loved by these
women and we were excited to name our girl in their honor. Andy came up
with the idea of calling her Evie. I loved her name from the beginning
but I love it even more now. He pointed out to me after Evie’s death that
her first name Eva, points to her humanity…being made in the image of Adam and
Eve and that her middle name Christine points to her unity with Christ….now
being made in the image of Christ. Her name is a summary of 1 Corinthians
15:49
Just as we have borne the image of the
man of dust, we shall also bear the image of the man of heaven. As Evie
bore the image of the man of dust, so will she forever bear the image of her
Savior, Jesus Christ.
Our children were also excited for a
baby sister. Evie received many kisses and “leg hugs” from Judah while in
my belly. He truly loves her. Emma Grace and Jack were also eagerly
waiting to meet her. They asked if they too could share some stories about
Evie with you. Emma Grace wrote “My sister had a short life but I
had some memories of her. These are some of my memories. The first
time I felt her kick I felt happy. Here’s another memory: I loved
seeing the ultrasound pictures of her.” Jack wrote, “I would like
to tell you some stories about Evie and I will start with this one. She
had red hair and had chunky cheeks. She even had a small body.”
Along with these memories we also
enjoyed excitedly sorting her clothes, dressing up my belly for Halloween,
Huffman hugs with my belly in the middle and singing Jesus loves Evie
girl. Her time in my belly was undoubtedly filled with the noise of our
voices!
Our favorite family memory of her in my
belly was the morning I woke them up with a big smiley face drawn on my belly
and said “Evie says HI!!” We all laughed heartily. Then the kids
proceeded to draw faces on their bellies as well. For about a week I
would catch Judah coloring his belly with markers!
Those few memories are gifts to us and
leave our hearts longing for more of her. Evie was a surprise gift to our
family…. A gift we just have to wait until heaven to fully unwrap.
We gave my grandmother balloons when we
told her we were naming her Eva and we also released pink balloons when we told
our family she was a girl. I chose balloons for the service today because
we can truly celebrate today. Yes we grieve, but we also celebrate.
We celebrate the life God knit together in my womb. We celebrate curly
red headed Evie Huffman, an eternal soul who is our daughter and also forever
our sister in Christ. We celebrate that our Savior tasted death for us so
that Evie, like us, can live forever.
As we grieve and celebrate today, I pray
these words from 1 Thessalonians will encourage your hearts, as they have ours:
13Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be
uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the
rest of mankind, who have no hope. 14For we believe that Jesus died and rose again,
and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep
in him. 15According to the Lord’s
word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of
the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16For the Lord himself will come down from
heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the
trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17After that, we who are still alive and are left
will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air.
And so we will be with the Lord forever. 18Therefore encourage one another with these
words.
Here's one of the songs we used for her service.
Here's one of the songs we used for her service.
1 comment:
wow that's amazing!
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