My Grandma's Feet

"Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day...For we know that if the tent, which is our earthly home, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling." 2 Corinthians 4:16, 5:1-2

This has been my mantra for the last few months. Over the last few years, something has started to happen to my body. Ive intellectually assented to the fact that I would get old but as it's started to happen, it's been quite unsettling. I am built just like my mom, who is built just like my grandma. My hands now look just like my mom's hands did when I was a little girl. Sometimes when I look at my feet from the side, I almost think I am looking at my grandma's feet. Though hers look older and more wrinkly than mine, we have the same exact foot structure, we both have lost a few toenails, and I know my feet will look just like hers one day, Lord willing.

Carrying, birthing, nursing, and caring for two children is the primary force that's gotten this aging thing rolling full speed. But even if I hadn't done all that, I know my body would be slowly wasting away. To be honest, this has been a real struggle for me. I never realized how much I cared about my outward appearance until it started to deteriorate. Over the last few years God has been revealing this idol to me and is slowly setting me free. Andy and I have talked about this quite often as I have struggled with this. He has helped me to see that wanting a body that won't fall apart is good-that death, and sickness and decay are part of the fallen world we live in-a world that Jesus died to redeem. He reminds me that I will be given a new body upon his return, and that now I can joyfully pour out my time and energy, my body, in service to the Lord. It's OK if I am falling apart, outwardly wasting away. I have an eternal body that will be given to me and therefore I can "spend" this body on things that really matter.

And God is at work renewing me inwardly. I am more alive to the things of eternity than ever before. I am more filled with the knowledge of my heavenly Father than I was as a teenager. I am more aware of my sin and the awesomeness of my Savior than I was 10 years ago. And by his grace, I am more like him. And one day, the sickness in my heart and the sickness in my body will be no more. I will be healed. Whole. Perfect.

I'm not free from the idolatry of outward appearance yet. God is working on me. I love my Mom's hands-every hard working fiber of them. How many hours have those hands toiled for me and my siblings? I love my grandma's feet-every missing toenail and all the other cute painted ones. How many miles of life have those feet walked? How much wisdom and love is stored in the soul of the one to whom those feet belong? These women are precious to me, and not because of what they look like on the outside. I want my toenails to fall off, if it means I'm being spent for the things that really matter in this life. Eternal things. Lord, help me to live with my heavenly dwelling in sight.