My Christmas Reflections

Last year's Christmas was a wash. We were so very overwhelmed with our transition home that Christmas was not very Christmasy for us. It honestly felt like a burden. Who wants a list a mile long of to do's and to buy's when you're barely keeping your head above water as it is? Though we really enjoyed being with our families, we left so early in December for our pilgrimage north that we didn't bother with a real tree. The thought of dragging out all 200 + ornaments and all the Christmas garb we own just seemed too much when we would only be around for two weeks to enjoy it. So we put up a tiny fake Christmas tree in an apartment that did not feel like home. I cried when it was completed, then stuck it on top of a box, my measly attempt to give lift to both the tree and my Christmas spirit. It didn't work. And that's OK. Really it's OK if some of our Christmases aren't the way we want them to be. Oh sweet grace it is when we get our to do lists done without killing someone along the way, we do our daily Christmas devotions each day and in our hearts we truly have room for this Savior born in a stable. But some years we just don't. That's the reality of living in this broken world. There's often not enough time, or energy, or our hearts aren't the right place.

This year, we're doing better. IN SOME WAYS. I love our 8 foot tree. Andy and I love going big with the tree. He even commented that it needs more lights next year. I like the way you are thinking, sir. And since we have the power grid to support the 2,000 lights we think it needs, that's what we'll do next year. And we've mostly followed our Jesse Tree devotional with the kids, hanging ornaments each day that remind us of all God was doing to prepare the world for his Son. GOD MADE MAN-This one moment in time that truly changes everything. I've managed to make some Christmas goodies along the way and not kill myself buying gifts for my in-laws. Thankfully they are super gracious with me when I have a hard time coming up with gifts for them every single year. But Christmas still feels "off" for us. First of all, we're wearing shorts. That just feels wrong. And since we're in our own home this year, we're far from our families and even farther from our China family. So we don't really have a group to celebrate with. And we're struggling, deeply struggling with things we don't share on our blog. Doesn't Christmas just seem like a time when our celebrations should be perfect and the problems that plague us should take a back seat for just a moment? But they don't. Our problems, our sin and the broken places in our lives make no concession for the Holidays. The contrast of all I want Christmas to be and the reality of what it is in my family today is a gift really. Yes, the contrast is a gift. Do we know why Jesus showing up to our mess is such glorious news? He left his throne. I imagine it's so peaceful there. He left his Father. Oh to be perfectly loved. And he showed up on the scene to right the wrongs we've done. To clean up the mess we've made. This king of all kings, born in a manager which undoubtedly was filthy, broke into our world with one mission. His birth puts him on a trajectory-of service and humility that leads all the way to his horrific death. All to clean up our mess.

So today when I see the mess in my life and I face the reality that my Christmas celebration doesn't meet the mark, I'll rejoice. This season isn't about my perfectly accomplished to do list. It's about rejoicing in Christ's perfectly accomplished to do list: To seek and save Erin Ashley Huffman. It is finished EA, and you can rest and rejoice. I can eat those Chocolate Thumbprints with real joy in my heart and look forward to a day of feasting and celebrating when every detail of the party will be perfect, including me.