Today marks a milestone in our transition back to America. We've already done some major things-like buying a car and hanging up (most of) our pictures on the walls of our cozy apartment. But today I did something seemingly small that signifies a huge step for me in the whole adjusting process. I baked muffins. From scratch. I know it may seem small, but really it's huge. Our home in China was a regular bakery shop, with my faithful assistant Xiao Li delighting us with homemade apples pies and banana bread. I too really enjoyed making homemade rolls and muffins.
And when the trauma of relocation happened, I stopped baking. In fact, I have stopped doing a lot of the "normal" things I did regularly in China. Blogging and baking and keeping up with my Bible reading plan all quickly became memories of some past life I once lived. (you will be happy to know I still shower...well...most of the time.) I call it trauma because it really is traumatic to sell your life, say goodbye to every person in "that" life, even the lady who sold me a coke everyday, and move across the world, albeit to your home country, to start over in almost every aspect of life.
I haven't had the emotional, mental, or physical wherewithal to do much more than survive and help my family do the same. But slowly, I am coming out of this fog I was in and beginning to get some normalcy back into my days. I took a huge step over the Christmas holiday. While at Tim and Kathi's I hibernated. I turned off my phone for an entire week and I slept in til ten several days in a row. I didn't cook or do laundry or wipe very many poopy bottoms. I just hung out. I owe my in laws a huge thanks for giving me the space and childcare to be able to recover. I didn't even know how much I needed that. But I came back to Florida refreshed and actually excited about my role as a wife and mom, something I haven't felt much at all this past 6 months. And then I BAKED!!!! I found a new recipe, got all the ingredients, put my kids in bed, lit candles in the kitchen, turned on soft music and set to baking.
Maybe, just maybe, one of these days I'll get back to blogging and bathing my kids on a regular basis. For now, thanks for bearing with my disheveled kids, my lack of blogging, and my overall emotional instability.
7 comments:
Thanks so much for posting this EA! The reality of the upcoming move is beginning to hit me and I am already feeling the emotional instability kick in! It gives me hope to read this--to think at somepoint I might be living in America and I could have a "normal" life. It sounds weird that, for some reason, that seems so far away to me right now, but it does! So thankful to read this. :) LOVE YOU!
We love you! Way to go on the muffins! Sometimes it is the little hings!
Welcome to the sunshine!!! Love you!
I love you and how honest and vulnerable you are.
EA, This reminds me of when I was going through a not-so-great time in my life recently and a friend of mine reminded me that God doesn't waste anything, not even low points in our life. He will redeem even your off days! Be patient with yourself. Meditate on His great love for you. Do something nice for yourself. Buy yourself some flowers from the market when you go grocery shopping. Put on your "heavenly outfit". And know that we love you guys!
P.S. Bath times are sometimes overrated, especially this time of year......you're probably keeping your kids from getting dry skin!
JD recently did a sermon on being in the "desert". That we may think where we are has no purpose but that we are training and gearin up for our next place He is sending us. You should check it out
Thank you for being so transparent. I will continue to pray for your transition. And yay for your inlaws letting you regroup
I heart you, EA. I'm wondering how you stayed so skinny in East Asia eating all of those baked goods! Maybe you use whole wheat flour! LOL. I'm thankful for your journey. You continually minister to me.
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